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Tuesday, 16 May 2017 15:24

Xbox Division 2 Pre Season Predictions

Written by Red Rhinoceros

Division 2 lost a lot of big characters last season with  Mo , Trooper , Payne Wales , Wasay , Jakey and Scotty  moving up and away to Division 1 and DT Hayward was booted for outing Mo's cheating ….. and I think his past dodgy record . Fear not though our great division still has some big names and whilst it will be quieter the banter will still be flowing.

I'm not sure what happened to Squirrel but he's no longer in the league and will be missed by most for the 3 points we all used to take when playing him.

I would like to welcome former Division 1 players Tuggi , Vondia and Mowgles who couldn't quite hack it in a higher league , Berty who I know better from the Madden site and 2 guys who have moved over from the PS4 League , Jordan and Howson.

This should really be known as the old bastard's league who's average age must be nearing 40. Gaming really does get harder as you get older.

Let's get going with the predictions  , it is much harder than you think and season 13 promises to be very competitive down here in the basement , anyone can beat anyone.  I am happy with my top 4 and my bottom 4 but the 6 in the middle could really have been placed anywhere.

Season 13 Prediction

1st :   Jordan. - I know very little about him as he has a late entry into the division coming over from PS4 Division 1 . What I have found out is that he keeps beating Prem  players in the pre season tournaments. Diodex seems to have found a way to beat him strangely. He has Lens and Zarate in his team and I expect them to fire him to glory. An active member of the forum he sites Grumbo as his rival and wants to 'smash him into the ground'

2nd : Vondia  - Relegated from Division 1 last season our resident Dutchman found the pace up there a little too hot. Having played a few friendlies with him in the past I know him to be a very tough opponent and expect big things from him in the more sedate surroundings of Division 2. He is still crying at selling Mbappe  and will rely on star man Locadia to get him promoted in Season 13 ,  Zoso and Diodex are his main rivals.

3rd : Howson - Also expected to be competing near the top is the ex PS4 man Howson , he originally switched a couple of seasons ago to PS4 but he claims they are so boring over there he would often fall asleep during games. I've never played him but I have been informed he is a solid player who takes no prisoners a bit like his star player Victor Wanyama.

4th : Zoso -  This fella was one of season 12's favourites for promotion but had an abysmal start finding himself at the wrong end of the table , he finished the season like a train though winning several games in a row including a 6-0 drubbing of myself. Now he has got the hang of Fifa 17 I am expecting big things this season. I notice he has a very old squad with star man Pandetti expected to get his goals.

5th :  Berty -  The man is a gentleman , or an old Irish bastard depending on your point of view. I know this fella from Madden and despite his years was a very accomplished player. Whilst I haven't played him at FIFA  yet I have been assured by a couple of people that they couldn't lay a glove on him during friendlies and he has to be pushing near the top. He has just been given his squad with Gustavo Bou looking to be his best player. I'm not sure if he has been given a mentor yet but the vultures will be circling looking to prize away his best assets. Berty is too shrewd for all that however. His arch rival is Nuuthatch who he has played many times in the past.

6th :  Sir Sparktacus - Our resident Yam Yam (look it up) is a much maligned  member of our division , however I've always been able to play my games with him , he's always on the mic and he always has that shite accent ... He's not the best at fsl's however which his 2 week wait to play the play off final with Trooper  proved. He was an unlucky  1-0 loser of that game and so has to go again in the basement division , he will as usual be fighting for a play off place despite his awful finish to last season which saw him drop a couple of places. He loves a bit of pace with star men Erdogan and Acosta not lacking in that area.

7th : Red Rhinoceros -  A big improver in season 12 saw this Man United bore finish in the play offs for the first time only to freeze in the play off semi against Trooper. I have made a big gamble in the off season agreeing to sell 2 of my better players namely Szymanowski and Bobadilla with the latter player's annoying song no longer to be heard in this division .I risked a friendship to sign  Scott Sinclair who I am expecting to score me plenty of goals , I must tell you though his song is even more annoying. All my 'rivals' left me for Division 1 so this time I am calling out Mowgles , usually a yoyo merchant "You're shit and will finish below me for sure.

8th :  Diodex. - My good mate from the late night crew is another oldie who cannot bare you to eat , drink or even breathe whilst playing him as it annoys his ear drums. He moaned and complained , screamed and shouted his way through season 12 as the game kept turning on him.... however , following his holiday and some tuition from fellow players he seems to have turned a corner and actually learned how to play the game. I haven't beaten him for a while now and fellow players have commented that he will be a real contender this season...  Another one with quite an old squad with Enner Valencia and Pizarro among his better players. Rival - that's an easy one 'Nuuthatch'. !!

9th : Tunners - Another one of my buddies , he comes from a shit hole in the North ... called 'ull  where there is nothing to do except play FIFA. He is traditionally shit in the transfer market and often has people low balling him when putting his players up for transfer... He managed to acquire Vietto though and depending how he replaces him could determine his season 13 future. He finished one or two places below me last season and that is what I am expecting again this year..... prove me wrong ?  No chance pal.

10th : Mowgles - What a fall from grace for this Liverpool supporter from South London , relegated from Division  1 and losing friendly after friendly in the off season. I can't remember the last time I lost to him and rumour has it he spends far too much time enjoying the fruits of his dating apps to hone his Fifa skills. Let's hope he stays out of Pentonville and manages to finish the season. He has big Córdoba upfront and he will be hoping the big man can help him to bulldoze his way to a few wins. Mowgles is another one who has sited Nuuthatch has his main rival.

11th : Grumbo - Another fella pushing the average age of the division up Grumpy Grumbo was a great addition to the leagues when he rejoined last season , far from grumpy on the mic he is all about the banter and makes Fifa a good crack for his opponents. Niceties over .... yes 11th Grumbo !!    He  had a poor finish to the season which saw him tumble down the league including a game where he gave up and put the controller down giving his opponent a huge win. Very opinionated lately on the forum and long that's may continue ... top fella , shit Fifa player ;).

12th : Tuggi - Another big fall from grace as this former Division 1 player will find  himself   At the wrong end of Division  2 , by his own admission this Cardiff Scummer finds it difficult to get game time on Fifa and this will be his problem in Season 13. Great guy on the mic , I remember playing him once and finishing at midnight telling him I  had to go to bed .... 45 minutes later he was still talking even though we had stopped playing. Star man Destro

13th : Nuuthatch  - Surprisingly  struggled last season , his all out attacking often gets caught out eventually. Nutty , surprisingly to me ,  was named by 3 other players as their nemesis and  it seems he has a target on his head. He's always fun to play against but I feel he will be at the wrong end again this year. Star men Pantillimon and Drinkwater.

14th : Krudler : Our Tommy is not often seen on the forum which is a shame as he is a great guy who just doesn't stop talking on the mic  , I think he's a cockney of sorts and was described recently by Davo  as 'Haley's Comet'  as 'he swings by once in a while' . Not often seen in the transfer market he will rely on Stocker this season to provide chances for his strikers. Unlike Dracula this man likes a cross .... and of course a header .... stop those wingers or he will hurt you !


Have a great season guys  !

Read 644 times Last modified on Thursday, 18 May 2017 00:00