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Friday, 15 September 2017 10:15

Farewell Season 13 & FIFA 17

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Season 13 is in the bag as is FIFA 17 for most. But what a season number 13 has been. Shit people got good, shit people stayed shit, toys were thrown, old faces returned, old faces got booted. Let have a look at some of the details.

PS4 Prem:
Mr Masta took the PS4 Prem easily, only losing once all season, but 9 draws, they must have been annoying. 2nd place is ScottRFC, but who really remembers 2nd?  Curfish, Fungus, Ellis and Chewie have secured passage to Div One.

PS4 Div One:
PPJT Has the Div One crown, on goal difference by all things! Buncey still goes up along with Tazaar. Robbie won the playoff game and also goes up. No trophies for fourth here though laddo. Toni, Dom, MzitikalAce and Houdini all go down. No escape act this time Houdini….
Breaking News, Tazaar is jumping to the Xbox! What does this mean for the PS4 Prem? It looks like Geasers and Lukewarm are bailing also. Exodus!

PS4 Div 2:
The Clear winner is Marco(the Knife) with Ben Tucker and ScottWales join him as the runner ups. This Division has suffered 3 managers leaving so the season was reduced to 24 games from 32. PS4 Div Two LOLZoner is BCoatesy, why don’t you join me in Xbox Div 2?
More breaking news, Marco is also jumping to the Xbox.

Xbox Prem:
Dell has just crushed almost everyone, we don’t have a Prem+ just for him. Bumble was sure to win it without Dell joining back up. Crash, Raz, Doob and Pac are DOWN.

Xbox Div 1:
Woody won, he was clear with a few weeks to spare. Riverman and Vondia are also up for one season. Playoff winner was Mo t' d' Fo. Jakey couldn't do back to back promotions. Relegation places, Trooper, Payne and SuperCeltic are going down. Macken won the Div1/2 playoff final to remain in Div One for another season.

Xbox Div2:
Jordan, well fuck me, what a surprise, he just pretty much pushed everyone aside. Zoso has also broken his curse and has made it to the Promised Land along with Howson Netflix. Playoffs saw Rhino beat Tuggi in the 2nd Div playoff only to be denied by MackemJet who likes it in Division One by all accounts. I remained firmly on the bottom after a promising start.


The Dropouts:

Life, oh life, oh life gets in the way. Too busy to play a 20 mins game 3 times in 2 weeks…

Giib was the elite lol of the season though. Whinging like fuck due to MackemLag, refused a rematch, then went on to wipe his Xbox and Sell it! Megalolz tbh. He sold it to Lukewarm, does that mean he wants to come to the right side, by all accounts, yes he does.
A few others left for some genuine reasons and the others, well who knows cos they said nuthin’.


The New Guys:

We had new faces join up this season and they all seem to have stuck it out. They are getting really involved. Also had a couple of old hands re-join, Berty being the actual oldest. MackemJet and Dell also came back into the fray.  We all know Bertygate, Jeez, did I get some flak for that, but it’s a learning process, I’ve learnt to let others gauge peoples abilities. BenTucker got put in PS4 Div 2 and has finished 2nd, wrong again? Maybe #slopeyshoulders.

Seeing Red:

Ragefloor had an early season meltdown and ended on 19 red cards, 4 in one game, dirty bastard LOL.  Riverman and T both ended on 5 each, surprising as both are such gents… ¬,¬
PS4 Div one had 3 in total! Boring!

Goals, goals, goals!

  • PS4 Prem = 553. (364 Games)1.5 goals per game. MrMasta 56
  • PS4 Div 1 = 582. (364 Games) 1.6 gpg. PPJT 51
  • PS4 Div 2 = 331.  (216 games) 1.5 gpg. Ben Tucker 51


  • Xbox Prem = 719 (480 games) 1.5 gpg. Dell 66
  • Xbox Div 1 = 521 (364 games) 1.4 gpg. Riverman 53
  • Xbox Div 2 =  425 (270 games)1.6 gpg. Jordan 71

Top Goalscorers by Divison:

  • PS4 Prem – Babacar 25 (Geasers)
  • PS4 Div 1 – Eder Martins – 23 (Masta)
  • PS4 Div 2 – Harnik/Aboubaker 18 (Ben/BCoatsey
  • Xbox Prem – Jay Rodriguez 31 (Dell)
  • Xbox Div 1 – Iheanacho 20 (Riverman)
  • Xbox Div 2 – Vagner Love 32 (Howson)


Who doesn’t like stats? Losers….

Anyway, an average of 1.5 goals per game across the 6 divisions is pretty remarkable. It’s based on the stats that were left. All those dropouts can screw the numbers a bit.
Jordan ran away with the Golden Boot with 71 goals, I’d like to see him do that in Div One.

Defending, it’s an art, one Curfish clearly hasn't mastered. He gets the inaugural FLM Rusty Colander Award for most goals conceded, cheers Pal, you saved me and Superceltic the humiliation. 



Least goals conceded:

19 Stevooo in 26 games, impressive!
OI, Steve, where did you park your bus? Oh yeah, in front of the goal!

Here is insider info on his formation...

Disgraceful formation.


Youtuber of the Year:

Goes to that auld NOB, Berty. He learnt the short corner and other unscrupulous fellas have "copied" his underhanded way. Shame on you!

That wraps up Season 13 and FIFA 17. All aboard the FIFA 18 hype train, then everyone off after a week no doubt.

A quick message from Davo; "Tax, Wages, fuck you pay me."

OOOOOO, PS. A big well done to Mo for keeping this team updated through season 13.

Read 236 times Last modified on Tuesday, 19 September 2017 14:11